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The Mental Battle

 

4-Week Plan to Happiness

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Andrew Weil's 4-Week Plan to Happiness  

Holistic health pioneer Dr. Andrew Weil shares his secrets to finding happiness based on his own lifelong battle with depression. {From the Dr. Oz Show}

 

Today 1 out of 10 Americans are taking some sort of anti-depressant drugs, a number that continues to grow. Dr. Andrew Weil, one of the gurus of holistic medicine and author of the new book, Spontaneous Happiness, addresses this epidemic by sharing the ways he has learned to manage his own lifetime battle with depression.

 

Dr. Weil attributes two possibilities to the rise in depression and the use of prescription medications. First, some in the medical profession may be too quick to prescribe antidepressant drugs for ordinary states of sadness rather than looking at the totality of health concerns. Second, today’s typical lifestyle, which includes more time indoors, less exercise and the likelihood of information overload, has altered brain function and made people more prone to anxiety and depression.

According to Dr. Weil, happiness arises spontaneously from within us; you can’t find happiness from an outside source. In addition, it’s unrealistic to expect to be happy all the time; it’s normal to experience a range of moods and emotions – both positive and negative.

Based on his philosophy of integrative medicine, which incorporates the body, mind and spirit, Dr. Weil’s 4-week plan to finding happiness can help you gain greater emotional well-being through simple lifestyle changes. 

One final note: If you are suffering from depression, as diagnosed by a professional, this plan is not meant to be a substitute for medication or medical care, and you should consult your doctor before using it.

 

Week One 

1. Cut Your Caffeine Intake

Caffeine is a strong stimulant that can affect mood and energy cycles and therefore aggravate depression. If you drink coffee or other forms of caffeine, try going cold turkey for two full days to see if you have a withdrawal reaction such as fatigue or a throbbing headache. If you notice that you are indeed dependent, you need to cut it out altogether. Try swapping coffee for oolong tea, which has less caffeine, and diet soda for sparkling water with lemon. To learn more about the effects of caffeine, click here

2.  Cut Out Artificial Foods

Foods that are refined, processed and manufactured promote inflammation within the body, which can lead to chronic disease and also impair mood. Avoid packaged foods, especially all the snack stuff such as chips and cookie. Today’s supermarket shelves are stocked with tons of healthy and unhealthy foods. To make the right choices when walking the aisles, steer clear of the foods that can have disastrous long-term health consequences for your household. Click here for the 5 foods Dr. Oz never wants to see in your shopping cart.

 

Week Two

1. Add a Mood-Boosting Supplement Cocktail

Fish Oil:

Taking fish oil can dramatically improve mood and reduce depression. Take a supplement that provides 600 mg of DHA/EPA omega-3 fatty acids. If you’re bothered by fish-flavored burps, try keeping the product in the freezer and swallowing frozen capsules. Be sure to take them on a full stomach. 

Vitamin D:

Research shows that low levels of vitamin D correlate with mental disturbances and even psychosis. You may want to have your blood level tested to see if you’re deficient. Take 1000 IU of vitamin D with your largest meal for optimal absorption.

Multivitamin:

Research suggests that adequate doses of three B vitamins – folate (or folic acid), B6 and B12 help ward off depression. Choose a multivitamin containing 400mcg of folic acid, 100 mcg of B12 and 1.7 to 2 mg of B6. Take with your largest meal to ensure absorption and avoid indigestion.

2. Reestablish Social Connections

Social connection protects people from depression. Today “artificial” interactions such as using social media have become substitutes for real interactions, which have diminished our sense of community. Relationships with family and friends are key to maintaining happiness. This week, work on reestablishing bonds with the people you care about and those you may have drifted from – powerful research shows that forgiveness improves mood. Also, build new connections.

 

Week Three

1. Reduce Information Overload

If you don’t create boundaries, it feels as if your workday never ends, and you never have any time, which impacts your state of mind. To ward off depression and anxiety, let your brain rest. Enforce a curfew starting at 8 p.m. and power down your cell phone, computer and television. Try this for one week.

2. Reconnect With Nature

Make an effort to get outside and reconnect with nature. It will help you unwind and eliminate distractions. You don't have to plan an excursion to a remote national park – it can be as simple as taking a walk through the park or along a nearby river or sandy shore. Just make sure to leave your cell phone at home (or in the car) so you can disconnect and fully engage in your surroundings.

 

Week Four

The first three weeks of this plan are based on setting the groundwork for strong emotional well-being. If you still feel like you need help, try these additional strategies:

 

1. Herbal Remedies

A.   Ashwagandha: Also known as Indian ginseng, this herbal remedy has anti-anxiety and mood-elevating properties. Ashwagandha is very safe and can be used long-term. If your depression is associated with anxiety, this is a good complementary remedy to try.

B.   SAMe (S-adenosylmethionine) This supplement has the advantage of working within 24-48 hours and is quite safe. However, it can be somewhat stimulating and should not be used by people with bipolar disorder, nor should it be taken too close to bedtime. Use only the butanedisulfonate form in enteric-coated tablets, or in capsules. Try 400-1600mg a day on an empty stomach.

C.   Rhodiola: Also called arctic root, this herb promotes focus and concentration and has mood-elevating effects.

 

2. Acupuncture

Studies show that acupuncture can be a useful treatment for mild to moderate depression. Find an acupuncture practitioner who is familiar with using it for this purpose. For a comprehensive introduction to how acupuncture can help you, click here.

 

3. Deep Tissue Massage

Deep tissue massage helps reduce levels of the stress hormone, cortisol, which promotes both happiness and relaxation.

 

4. Adjust Your Posture

Your posture can directly affect your mood. To adjust your posture, try this simple deep breathing technique: Stand and extend your arms with your left palm up and your right palm down. As you take a deep breath, slowly raise your arms until your hands touch over your head. Then breathe out. Repeat twice.

Co-Parenting Letter

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Co-Parenting

by Thomas Hoerner

So what can a father do when there is so much anger and hate that neither parent can get along? Try sending this letter to your ex-wife. Assuming that both parents are adults who love their children enough to do what is right for them, this letter is a peace treaty in the form of a contract and is designed to provide the first step toward a peaceful relationship between hostile parents. Good luck!

Dear______________

Today I realized that our child(ren) is/are more important than we are, and it is time to co-exist on their behalf. With the forwarding of this letter, I offer peace and ask that we set aside our ill feelings and be civil to each other. I know there is anger and hate from past conflicts that may not heal for a long time, but if we do nothing to overcome these feelings, our children will suffer. I'm not asking for forgiveness, nor am I giving any. I am not taking or giving blame. I am simply asking that we wipe the slate clean and try to make tomorrow better--for the children! Perhaps, in time we can work out our differences, but in the meantime, we must not let them interfere with our being good parents. You have my word. As of tomorrow my actions will reflect my love for my children, not my hostility for you. I will work at improving our relationship and keeping the children first and foremost in my life. I will make every effort to follow the rules of successful co-parenting and ask you to do the same. They are as follows:

* I will not blame you for a failed relationship or any other problem I/we have had.

* I will not argue and fight with you in front of the children.

* I will not speak badly of you to the children.

* I will not use you as a sitter.

* I will not discuss court disputes or adult problems with the children.

* I will not limit telephone access between you and the children.

* I will not use the children as spies.

* I will not send messages through the children.

* I will not make plans or arrangements directly with the children.

* I will not send money through the children.

* I will try to be on time and will call if I am late.

* I will send/return the children clean, fed, rested, and with clean clothes.

* I will be courteous and use words such as "thank you" and "please."

* I will communicate about the children's actions, developmental stages, adjustment, and well being.

* I will try to agree on basic rules such as bedtime, TV, diet, discipline, etc.

* If I slip and make a mistake, I will try again tomorrow.

I Promise_________________Date________

The above is from The Ultimate Survival Guide for the Single Father, by Thomas Hoerner. Copyright (c) 2001 Harbinger Press. Reprinted with permission, all rights reserved.

Surviving The Teen Years

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Surviving The Teen Years

A Parents Guide: You Can Survive The Teen Years

 

Welcome to the teen years. It is a time when parents can enjoy helping their growing children become the independent, self-sufficient adults they are meant to be.

Have you begun to notice some changes taking place within your child’s body, attitude and behavior? Has your usually sweet and adoring child suddenly begun asserting themselves in ways not seen before? Let me be the first to welcome you to the teen years.

 

How To Survive The Teen Years-

There’s no need to panic or hyperventilate at the mere mention of teens and the changes they are experiencing within their minds and bodies. It is a time when parents can enjoy helping their growing teens become the independent, self-sufficient adults they are meant to be. So don't panic, you can and will survive the teen years, and so will your teenage children.

While some parents view the teen years as the most tumultuous time in their children’s lives, wrought with confusion, frustration and stress, it is likely the same for teens trying to understand what is going on inside of them. Fortunately, help is available from many sources, with helpful suggestions and advice to assist parents in dealing with the various issues that are likely to arise. It is up to you as the parent to determine what advice works best for your family beliefs, morals and values and toss aside the rest.

 

When Does "Surviving The Teen Years" Begin?

Exactly when the changes begin to occur varies with each child. Some parents report noticing the shift right around the time their child enters middle school, leaving for school one day as usual and returning later that day seemingly unrecognizable. Regardless of when the changes become apparent, parents need to be well-prepared to help their growing children better understand what is taking place, continually expressing their love for their children even if behaving unlovable. Helping your teen children "survive the teen years" can be challenging, but extremely rewarding in the long run.

Keep in mind that the move from child to adult is a gradual change, and it is up to you as the parent to decide when your child is ready for each new step towards adulthood. Young teens are dealing with puberty and becoming comfortable with their changing bodies. Older teens are seeking ways to become autonomous, i.e. separate and independent from their parents in thought and action. In order to get there, teens must question their parents’ ideas, beliefs and values.

 

Communication With Teens-

Teens need to begin developing some sense of independence from their parents, with opportunities to make choices and decisions on their own. It is therefore vital that parents strive to maintain open communication with their teens, with calm discussions relating to what parents believe are in the best interests of their children and family. Clearly establishing the “rules of the house”, setting curfew, showing parental and sibling mutual respect, helps to lay the groundwork towards children understanding that independence also brings consequences. Communication with your teen requires that you “talk less and listen more” in order to learn how your growing teen truly feels and views issues relating to them, thus providing you further opportunity to provide sound guidance and instruction.

 

Fostering Independence-

It’s important for teens to learn how to make wise choices and decisions. Parents are not able to maintain total control over their teens, and as frightening as it might seem, children eventually learn that parents aren’t infallible. By the time children have reached the teen years, they should have already learned the parents morals and values, thus providing opportunities for teens to prove their trustworthiness in making sound decisions sex, drugs and alcohol.

Discussions with your teen, perhaps role-playing possible scenarios about sex, drugs and alcohol not only establish your parental position on such topics, but also help you find ways of further guiding your teen on how to avoid such pitfalls. Ask your teen questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Ask them “What would you do if someone offered you drugs?” or “What if someone offered you a cigarette?” and so on.

 

Be Realistic-

Outside influences and peer pressure increase dramatically during the teen years. It is imperative that parents not only know their teens friends names, addresses and phone numbers, but also really get to know the parents. Not all parents will act in the best interest of their own children, let alone yours. Some parents allow their teens to drink alcohol at home with their parents’ supervision. Invitations to teen parties and gatherings may allow teens to enjoy some independence from their parents, but having a clear understanding amongst the parents about is and is not to be allowed will help to alleviate any possibility of things going awry.

The teen years can be among the best years of your children’s lives. Keep a positive attitude and knowing that “this too shall pass”, and eventually both you and your children will look back on those years knowing you got through it together.

 

By Lin Burress, Dec 15, 2007 

A Child's Ten Commandments

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A Child’s Ten Commandments For Parents

 

Even parents need occasional reminders on how to be a loving, responsible parent to children, from the day our children are born and even into adulthood.

Taking a look at how our children view the world in general, and their perceptions on our parenting skills, can help parents improve their communication style that builds self-confidence and self-esteem in children that are necessary to succeed in life.

Ten Commandments for Parents:

1. My hands are small; please don’t expect perfection whenever I make my bed, draw a picture or throw a ball. My legs are short; please slow down so that I can keep up with you.

Remember, it’s our parental responsibility to teach and train our children how to do even the basics of life such as, how to make a bed, how to brush their teeth properly, how to prepare simple meals, how to dust and vacuum, but not expecting perfection in each task. As children learn each new life skill, give them opportunities to practice these in your own home, so young children and teenagers can feel good about themselves and build confidence in their own abilities.

2. My eyes have not seen the world as yours have; please let me explore safely; don’t restrict me unnecessarily.

It should go without saying but, this advice does not include allowing our children such a wide berth of “freedom to explore” their surroundings in such a way that might put children at risk of being harmed or abused in some way.

3. Housework will always be there. I’m only little for such a short time-please take the time to explain things to me about this wonderful world and do so willingly.

4. My feelings are tender; please be sensitive to my needs; don’t nag me all day long. (You wouldn’t want to be nagged for your inquisitiveness). Treat me as you would like to be treated.

No matter how busy we are as parents, taking care of the home, jobs and other duties, make sure you are taking/making the time to really listen to your children. Physically stop whatever you’re doing when your child wants or needs to talk to you, rather than thoughtlessly telling children you are “too busy right now”, making sure you are giving your child undivided attention and looking directly into their eyes when they are speaking.

5. I am a special gift; please treasure me as my Creator intended you to do, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by and disciplining me in a loving manner.

6. I need your encouragement, not just your praise to grow. Please go easy on the criticism; you can criticize the things I do without criticizing me.

7. Please give me the freedom to make decisions concerning myself. Permit me to fail, so that I can learn from my own mistakes. Then someday I will be prepared to make the kind of decisions life will require of me.

8. Please don’t do things over for me. Somehow that makes me feel that my efforts didn’t quite measure to your expectations. I know it’s hard, but please don’t try to compare me to my brother or sister.

If you have the tendency to give your child a chore to do, but continuously follow closely behind to re-do the chore “your way”, you might need to consider if you are really helping or enabling your child’s efforts to grow and fully develop.

9. Please don’t be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need a vacation from parents, just as parents need vacations from kids.

10. Please set a good example for me to follow in all the ways of life. I enjoy watching the things you do and want to do them just like you do.

The old saying, “Children learn what they live” couldn’t be more true, so make sure as parents that the attitude and behaviors children learn are the ones you really want your children to exhibit in their lives.

The Journey Through Grief

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The Journey Through Grief:
The Bereaved Children's Six “Reconciliation Needs”

By Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.

Need 1.  Acknowledge the reality of the death.

Use real words not euphemisms.  Honor family systems, cultural traditions and beliefs.

Need 2.  Move toward the pain of the loss while being nurtured physically, emotionally and spiritually.

To heal, the child must be encouraged to embrace the wide range of thoughts and feelings that result from death.

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