A Glimpse Into The Future, From the Past
By J. David Michael
In 1989 I walked into a philosophy 101 class in college and started to present my paper. This was the dawn of the internet but I had never heard of it yet. I announced with pride that I had written that I had discovered how technology effects divorce rates.
I stated that one hundred or more years ago life presented couples with far less distractions. Basically you grew up in a small town, knew everyone, traveled little, were eligible to a small percentage of the population and grew to old age with one. In the present day and age, you travel, work on projects with people from all over the world and throughout the course of life. People mostly have been in many groups in different locations all over the world. Of course there was a lot more to it but mostly it was a fabricated idea with no research from my own head.
Fast forward to 2001 and the terrible tragedy of September 11th had just happened and I was being married eleven days later. I had worked at this point on a stock trading desk for eight years and had become moderately successful in life. I had a new bride that appeared to be the picture perfect Christmas card wife. She had two children from a previous marriage but I was becoming more comfortable with commitment and felt good about the future. I had not been around children so I initially felt compelled to tell people that I was a “step- father” but life was good. I went from a bachelor with a house of four empty bedrooms to the hum of small children living life. I never wanted to say I loved them until I felt it but it came a lot faster than I had ever thought. In time I no longer told people I was anything but a dad. In 2004 I found out Amy was pregnant and was overwhelmed with joy and the changing of life.
In January of 2004 my baby girl was born. I was so scared as a hunter / fisherman that I would not know what to do with a girl, from the day she was born I have never ran out of ideas of what we can do together. She is more than I could have ever understood to be great. Today she is a great friend and smile to my heart.
In 2006 we had a busy year. The year marked the discovery of my wife’s real mother, death of her father and the birth of my son. In This time we also changed firms and moved to a different city. To say she snapped would be a understatement. I did not plan on such a marathon of events. My wife started to look for anything to make her happy. She had always been obsessed with gaining attention for her outward appearances but the series of events had made her in drastic need for male attention. She started spending a huge amount of time on social network sights.
I have always gone to work at an early hour but joining a new firm had me waking at 4 am. I would leave for work to see the laptop always with my wife. She eventually started to sleep on the sofa in the living room and would have the computer and cell phone close at hand. She no longer would leave her phone unattended or the computer. I never could see anything but the person that I loved, I suspected nothing.
Sitting in a graduate class in 2008 I sat only thinking of what was wrong with my marriage. We no longer had sex, she had undergone numerous plastic surgeries. We no longer were acting like best friends. We no longer spent all of our waking hours with one another. We had truly been each other’s best friends for so long that the change just had me in depression. I sat in class on a Saturday and I prayed to my deceased grandmother to let me see clarity (I am catholic if you could not tell). I stood up in the lecture and walked out. I went to the mobile phone store and pulled the records to my account. What I discovered would change my life and my children for ever.
My wife had been talking to people from the various social media sights for about six months prior. She was spending hours on the phone or texting with people from all over the country. In deeper discovery, I found out that most of these people were men. In further discovery, I found out that she was not out of town that night on a photography assignment but with another man in Austin. My heart broke, my feelings shattered, my strength was gone. I called her but she would not answer. I called the last number on the phone records for the evening and talked to the man she was with. She called back and confirmed the worst. I told her not to come home. By the phone records and calls she attended a college football game with another man the next night. I am a person who thinks of marriage as a one time and one-person event. In the end I found out that she had been having affairs with six or more men. I had reached the darkest time of my life.
In the next year I could never have seen the true love and depth of my family while I dealt with this issue. My mother, father and sister kept me from taking my life. For that I will forever be in debt.
One month later, I moved Amy into an apartment so we could let things settle. I researched and found the head of psychiatry of the leading hospital in town. I found out that her real mom had been a street person and Amy had lived with her for three years on the street. I found the bar owner of the place where her mom went in the 70’s and found out the sad story of my wife’s existence for the first three years of her life, homeless. In the next six months I would go through several hundred thousand dollars repairing the finances and lives my wife had neglected. I was overwhelmed with new information.
The psychiatrist although very good was just a waste of a lot of money. My wife would go to the doctor, profess her effort on a clean life and post on her websites a steamy story offering to meet men. Six months later, my friend and his wife witnessed her on a date in a restaurant. I had been a mess, and the children were suffering so with much remorse I filed for divorce.
She never showed or fought in court for the children. Since I had never adopted the older children they were in the courts eyes abandoned. The younger two children were granted to me from a conservative court, sole custody.
We received a phone call one morning asking if Amy had killed herself, it turned out she had faked a suicide and disappearance with her Austin friends. It was clear she was on a dangerous path. She has since surfaced and calls the children about once a week. 
The learning curve begins. I am now capable of more than I had ever imagined. The children’s mother calls about once a week but has not seen them in five months. I have dealt with extreme emotional distress. I have found counselors for all of the children. I have stabilized the older children and have helped them make plans for college and careers afterwards. I love all of them to my fullest every day. I try to let them know I have many flaws but ever leaving them will never be one of them.
Today we have many hurts we all work though but we are a family. We smile; we have holidays in which we love each other. We have learned what is really important in life. The children have all witnessed the continuous support the family gives us. Those looking from the outside cannot have an idea of what we have learned or what we now know to be important.
We will always love Amy but we have done the only thing we can and be a family with what we have. I have slowly moved on and started to date an old friend. She has supported me in my day to day life and gives me hope for the future. I want what I have always wanted, that is to say, a person to love me, whom I can trust. How would I have felt as a 19-year old sophomore feeling so smart, that I was actually reading a paper about my own future?
A Note From SingleSuperDad:
We, as single fathers, are not alone in our journey. Though many of us face unfathomable challenges in our families it is important to know there is always someone else who has faced and conquered circumstances possibly far bigger than our own. These sad but inspiring stories are important to share with you so you are aware of having the support of others who’ve been there before and have come out on top a stronger, SingleSuperDad. We want you to know our support goes out to all of you in our fraternity who are facing your individual family battles. If you have a story you’d like us to consider sharing with others, please send it to This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it and put in the subject line “Inspiring SSD Story.” Please include a photo.
