Neurotic is Normal

By Dr. Mark Hammonds

Going through a divorce is probably one of the most stressful times of your life.  Even if it was your idea, the dramatic change in your life including the uncertainty of finances, place of living, relationship with your children, and future personal relationships can produce severe physical and mental changes.  The stress is compounded significantly if the divorce was unwanted or unexpected.  Taking care of yourself physically and mentally is critical to emerging intact and starting a new life successfully.

Men are notoriously reluctant to ask for help as many consider it a sign of weakness.  Let me assure you that you would be a little crazy if you aren't a little neurotic as you go through this process.

Depression and anxiety are among the top ten diagnoses that a typical physician treats every day.  Signs of depression include inability to concentrate, loss of enjoyment of regular activities, changes in sleep patterns, changes in appetite, extreme fatigue, preoccupation with physical complaints, hopelessness, loss of sex drive, and thoughts of death or suicide.  Anxiety symptoms include generalized feelings of fear or dread, racing heart or palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness, tingling in extremities, and fear of people or social situations.

You don't have to be suicidally depressed or have full blown panic attacks to benefit from some medical help, even treating mild symptoms can make a big difference.  I agree that many people take a lot of medications that they don't need, but a divorce is a situation where I will almost always recommend some help.  Sleeping well, feeling well, and acting calm and rational can only help the process and prevent you from contributing to or aggravating the situation and help you establish a better relationship with your ex-spouse and children.  There is a huge relief after the divorce is finalized, whatever the outcome, and when things settle down, it is usually easy to wean off the medications and you should do well without them.  If you've even considered asking your doctor for help, the medications today are very safe and are almost "something that can't hurt and might help".  Antidepressants don't drug you up or sedate you.  They just make you feel like your old self and allow you to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Most antidepressants also help with anxiety symptoms and generally level you out.  Actual anxiety medications and sleeping pills can be sedating and are potentially addicting, but any good doctor will prescribe them judiciously and monitor you so you don't get in trouble.  Your physician might also refer you to a counselor to help you through the long road ahead, as you rebuild your life . You're not the first to go through this, and they will have some tips to help you in addition to being a therapeutic ear.

It's also very important to take extra steps to keep your health up when under that much stress.  Many do the opposite and drink, smoke and binge, which only adds to feeling down in the long run.  You would be surprised how much a good night's sleep, a healthy diet, and regular exercise can do for your energy level and general outlook.

While a divorce can be devastating in many ways, there is life at the end of the tunnel.  You'll make it one way or the other, but your doctor is here to help and listen...don't be afraid to ask for help.

Dr, Mark Hammonds is a recognized authority in the medical profession and too was once a single father. Being such, he knows what single fathers go through and what medical concerns they should recognize.

He completed his undergrad at Texas A&M where he majored in Premed. Afterwards, Dr. Hammonds graduated from the University of Texas at Houston Medical School in 1989 and completed his Family Practice Residency in 1992 at Southwest Memorial Hospital in Houston. Since 1992 he has been Board Certified with the American Academy of Family Practice. Dr. Hammonds opened his private practice in North Richland Hills in 1992 and formed Texas Health Care in 1995, Fort Worth's largest medical group. At age 37 he became a single dad but remarried at the age of 42. Today, at 48, he is happily married to his second wife and together have two small children, one of which is a newborn.