Can my ex cut our child's hair without asking me first?
Question:
I have joint custody of my children. They live with me one week and then one week with their mother. My question is can their mother cut their hair without asking me first? She went and cut 15 inches off my daughter's hair. Is there anything I can do to keep her from doing what she wants with her hair?
Answer:
Please be advised that I am not licensed to practice in the state of Oklahoma. I would advise you to seek independent advice from an attorney licensed in the state of Oklahoma.
I would first look to your Judgment to see if it provides for altering your child’s appearance. I would then look to Oklahoma law regarding this issue. Generally, I would not think that there would be any statute prohibiting a parent with joint legal custody from cutting their child’s hair. I believe that you may be able to file a motion to modify your previous judgment to try to change the parenting plan that is currently in place to include language regarding your child’s appearance.
You should not rely on this answer as establishing an attorney-client relationship and should seek an attorney in your are should you need additional information or legal representation. Cordell & Cordell, P.C. has attorneys in Oklahoma who would be glad to meet with you should you so choose.
Andrew VanNess is an Associate Attorney in the Kansas City, Missouri office of Cordell & Cordell, P.C. where he practices family law. Mr. VanNess is licensed to practice in Missouri. Mr. VanNess received his B.S. in Geography with a minor in Biology from Northwest Missouri State University, and his Juris Doctor from the University of Missouri-Kansas City School of Law.
Can my ex deny me visitation with my son because of the age of my new girlfriend?
Question:
I have recently started dating a girl that is much younger than me. My ex-wife is not allowing me to see my son since she claims I am providing an unhealthy environment by dating someone so young. Would a judge revoke my visitation simply because of the age of the person I choose to date? Is there a legally acceptable age?
Answer:
First let me preface my answer by stating that I am not licensed to practice law in the state of Georgia, although Cordell & Cordell does have attorneys who are licensed to practice in your state and will be happy to discuss your case with you. You should contact an attorney in your jurisdiction immediately to discuss your options.
Almost every state determines custody and visitation issues based on the best interests of the child. If you are supposed to have visitation with your son and your ex-wife is denying you that right, then you should discuss that with an attorney because she may be willfully disobeying the court's order and the court may need to be made aware of her actions.
Too many times, men are punished by an ex-spouse for moving on with thier lives and finding someone new to experience life with. If your current situation does not endanger the health and well-being of your son, then there should be no legal reason to keep your son away from you.
Jason Bowman is an attorney in the Louisville, Kentucky office of Cordell & Cordell. He is licensed in the states of Kentucky and Texas. He received his Bachelor of Science in Business from the University of Louisville, and received his Juris Doctor from Texas Wesleyan University.
When most clients come in they know what kind of physical custody they are looking to enjoy with their children. Many though do not realize that physical custody is not the only kind of child custody available. Legal custody covers major decision-making responsibilities affecting the children, including religious education, choice of schools, tutoring, cultural education, extracurricular activities, health care, etc.
Parents can be awarded joint or sole legal custody of their children. However, each parent shall make decisions regarding day-to-day care of the children and in emergencies affecting the health and safety of the children while he/she is the responsible parent. Further, both parents should try to be consistent with each other in day-to-day decisions and discipline of the children.
Legal custody covers several different areas.
The first area is the agreement by both parents that the needs of the children for a continuing relationship with each parent is a priority. To facilitate this, both mother and father shall use their best effort to foster the respect, love and affection of the children toward the other parent and cooperate fully in implementing a relationship with the children that will give the children a maximum feeling of security.
The court orders and believes that both parents should promote a relationship with the other parent. Each parent recognizes that the best interest of the children requires that he/she allow the children to love the other parent. The parents shall cooperate so that the children have regular and frequent contact with the other parent so that the children and parents have affection and respect for each other. Mom and dad each agree to take no action, which would demean the other and agree to set aside any issues and feeling of antipathy and marital discord toward the other for the sake of rearing psychologically healthy children.
Further, legal custody asks parents to work together to further their child’s education and decisions about school. Each parent shall notify the other of any activity such as school conferences, programs, parties, field trips, etc., where parents are invited to attend. The presence of each at such functions shall be encouraged and welcomed by the other.
The court encourages parents to go beyond even communication by asking each parent to also notify the other parent of the unusual performance of the children, whether good or bad, on any project, test, quiz or homework assignment and any important communications from school regarding attendance, behavior, grades, etc. Each parent agrees to assist as is necessary with homework.
Further, both parents recognize that each of them has the responsibility of contacting teachers and counselors as required by the children’s education and development, and the desirability of making those contacts together if possible. Parents should agree to provide each other with information described above by telephone as soon as reasonable or in person.
Note: Part 2 will guide parents through handling joint legal custody without verbal communication if you and your spouse cannot deal with each other amicably.
By Molly Murphy
Attorney, Cordell & Cordell
Margaret “Molly” P. Murphy is an Associate Attorney in the Arnold, Missouri office of Cordell & Cordell where she practices exclusively in the area of domestic relations. Ms. Murphy is admitted to practice law in the state of Missouri. Ms. Murphy was born and raised in St. Louis. She received her B.A. in Political Science and English Language and Literature in 1998 from the University of Tulsa where she graduated magna cum laude. Ms. Murphy received her Juris Doctor from the University of Missouri-Columbia in 2001.
What Does Child Support Actually Cover?
You’ve arrived home from work and as you sort through the day’s mail you see there’s a note from your ex-wife asking for payment for Tommy’s new baseball uniforms and asking you to pick up some new clothes and toiletry items for Susie when she comes to stay with you next weekend.
But wait a minute; you’ve paid your child support this month and on time like you have every other payment. With all the money you are paying for child support, why are you being asked to provide additional support to cover these other expenses?
It begs the question, what does child support actually cover?
Obviously the laws determining what child expenses are not included in the direct child support vary by state, but in general, extracurricular activities, uninsured medical expenses and educational expenses are NOT included in the basic child support amount unless specifically included in a settlement agreement, according to Cordell & Cordell attorney Spencer Williams.
He said child support generally covers food, clothing and shelter-type expenses.
But when you’re asked to cover expenses you think child support should be covering, you need to think of child support differently, said Jennifer Paine, another Cordell & Cordell attorney.
“Parents tend to think about child support as a one-way street: I pay support to you for our children, and you are responsible for using that money to support our children,” Paine said. “Most state child support schemes, however, calculate child support as a two-way street: you pay support to me and I to you, and we pool the support and each take a share.”
While your child support payments are generally a set amount, the calculations used to reach that amount are largely guesstimates of the amount of support a child needs to needs to sustain a standard of living near the marital standard of living, according to Paine.
So the support you pay is only the share your kids need while they are with your ex-wife. You are still responsible for support during your time, just as your ex-wife is still responsible for support during her time.
“As my father said after my sister crashed our first car in high school, you can never know completely when and how much your children will cost you,” Paine said.
Paine warns to be cautious, though. Remember to track your spending during your parenting time if you believe your ex-wife is not using the support you pay to actually support your kids. Keep a journal of what your kids bring to parenting time and what they end up needing from you during parenting time. Keep receipts of what you buy and request reimbursement for an amount you think is reasonable.
Are you constantly spending a lot of money on everyday items your kids have such as toothpaste or underwear?
“If you are purchasing ordinary items, this may be a sign that your ex-wife is not using the support properly,” Paine said. “You may have reason to investigate and to motion your court for contempt against her for diverting support.”
When you meet with your attorney, be sure to bring your original divorce decree to show what factors the court took into consideration when setting the original support amount.
By Matt Allen
Editor, DadsDivorce.com
How do we settle disagreements over what car to buy our child?
Question:
In my divorce decree it states that I pay 2/3 for a car and my ex pays the other third. She wants to give our son an old car with 170,000 miles on it. This car needs to last until our son is 21. I want to buy a car with less mileage. How do we resolve this? If we have to go to court, how do I file for this?
Answer:
First, let me preface my answer by stating that I am not licensed to practice law in the state of Georgia, although Cordell & Cordell does have attorneys who are licensed in Georgia and would be happy to discuss your case with you.
This is a problem that many people face in a variety of states. The agreement states that we are to perform a certain action in the future with regard to the future. The parents have good intentions when agreeing to the provision, however, when the time comes, the parties can't agree to how they want to proceed. This is the situation that you are currently facing.
Unless you and your ex-spouse are able to agree, then your only real option is to file a motion with the Court and ask the Court to interpret the provision of the agreement, as to how you are to proceed. You should consult an attorney in Georgia to find the best way to proceed and what the procedural requirements are in your jurisdiction.
Jason Bowman is an attorney in the Louisville, Kentucky office of Cordell & Cordell. He is licensed in the states of Kentucky and Texas. He received his Bachelor of Science in Business from the University of Louisville, and received his Juris Doctor from Texas Wesleyan University.
